Self Love, A Help For Depression? Easier Said Than Done!

By Susan Menahem, LCSW Clinical Executive Director Did you just roll your eyes when you saw “Self Love” in that title? I’m sure you did. The truth is, we’ve all been told that if we just learn to love ourselves everything will just get better. That’s great information, and not only is it true and a vital aspect in depression treatment, but has anyone ever mentioned to you just how to go about doing it? Randomly deciding one day that you are going to love yourself is nothing short of ridiculous. This isn’t a Nike commercial, you can’t “Just Do It”. Besides, if it were that easy we’d all be engaging in the world’s largest self-lovefest and there would be no need for depression treatment anywhere. Here’s the key to real self-love. It has 3 basic stages and the good news is, after you get good at the first stage, the other two stages happen all on their own. They are actually by-products of the first stage!! The first stage is to understand self-acceptance. Notice I did not say self-approval, I said self-acceptance. Self-acceptance is realizing that you are who you are and you are where you are at this… Read more »

Top 10 Sure Fire Ways To Fix The Intimacy Problems In Your Relationship

By Susan Menahem, LCSW Clinical Executive Director   No matter how long you’ve been together, who doesn’t want the excitement and intoxicating feelings of love, romance and intimacy lingering throughout their relationship? Well, have no fear, because if your relationship romance meter is stalled in the dead zone, I’m here to help you revive it. As a therapist, I can’t tell you how many people come in for couples counseling asking me to help fix the intimacy problems in their relationship, so have no fear, you’re not alone! OK, so here goes, the top 10 sure fire romance spicer- uppers…. Ready? Well, the truth is — I don’t know. Wait a second now, don’t click out just yet. The truth is, I don’t know – but you do! Here’s a story…. I was in a couples therapy session with a couple I’ll call Mary and John. Mary was just beside herself. In an effort to spice up the romance in their relationship, she purchased hundreds of dollars’ worth of lingerie from a very expensive shop. Much to her dismay, John barely noticed. When I asked John about it, he said “Lingerie??? I have never been turned on by a woman… Read more »

50 Shades of Hysteria: Why the Feminist Critique of the Movie ’50 Shades of Grey’ is Erotophobia in Disguise

by Margie Nichols, Ph.D. The Internet has been blowing up about the movie ‘Fifty Shades of Grey,’ and most of the commentary I’ve seen is negative. Tracy Scott-Flore wrote a piece in Salon called ’50 Shades of Coercive,’ accusing the movie of contributing to the rape culture, And SFist.com published an article misleadingly called ’50 Adult Stars and Professionals On Why They Hate 50 Shades of Grey’ – misleading because many of them actually liked it and were happy to see BDSM mainstreamed. I had a hard time plowing through the book – not enough sex scenes – and wasn’t planning to see the movie. But overall, I’ve felt the book was great – because 100 million people bought it, most of them women. And tons more women bought sex toys associated with the book, implying they might be trying to make some of their sexual fantasies into reality. Because I’m a feminist and a sex radical who feels that by definition, any erotica that women likes is – feminist. Because I’m a sex therapist who feel women already feel way too much shame about their sexuality and I’m happy to see anything that validates and allows women to express… Read more »

10 Things You Might Not Know about Bisexuality

Bisexuality is widely misunderstood—by heterosexual and gay/lesbian people alike. Here are some things we are beginning to understand about bisexual people. READ MARGIE’S NEW BLOG HERE: “10 THINGS YOU MIGHT NOT KNOW ABOUT BISEXUALITY”

Facebook’s Fifty Shades Of Gender

by Margie Nichols, Ph.D. Five decades of interaction between “mainstream” and LGBTQ subcultures made Facebook’s much-publicized profile change inevitable. READ MARGIE’S NEW BLOG HERE: “HOW WE ARRIVED AT 50 SHADES OF GENDER OPTIONS ON FACEBOOK”

The Real Treatment Issues for Transgender and Gender Non-conforming Kids

by Margie Nichols, Ph.D. A nuanced, flexible, and tailored treatment approach to gender identity issues in childhood and adolescence is the prudent approach. Read Margie’s latest blog HERE: http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/transgender-and-gender-nonconforming-youth-the-real-issues-0414145

Sex Is Queerer Than We Can Imagine—Really

by Margie Nichols, Ph.D. The neatly categorized notions most people apply to sexual orientation, expression, and gender identity may not be inclusive enough. Read the full blog, published on GoodTherapy.org, here!

Losing Lou Reed: It Takes A Busload Of Faith To Get By

by Dr. Margie Nichols My blog on the loss of the incomparable Lou Reed has been published on Out In New Jersey. ‘When Lou Reed’s New York album came out in 1989, many friends and I related instantly. It was hard, harsh and gritty. It expressed the anger, cynicism and mistrust of the government that we all felt. Although only one song, ‘Halloween Parade,’ explicity referenced gay people and AIDS, it was easy for us queers who were surrounded by the disease and faced with society’s hatred of gay men and the government’s homicidal negligence to identify with Reed’s polemical songs about classism, racism, xenophobia and environmental plunder. They also expressed pain, hopelessness, despair – and yet, in addition, a shred of hope and mysticism. And some songs did all of this in one, like ‘Busload of Faith.’ One of my most vivid memories of that era, one that makes me smile and cry at the same time, is of IPG therapist Curt Schulze and me singing that song together at the top of our lungs. Curt died a couple of years later, of AIDS.’ Read the full blog here.

LGBT Youth Suicide

by Margie Nichols, Ph.D. Check out Margie’s blog on Goodtherapy.org about the problem of suicide among LGBT teens and young adults.  Gay, lesbian, bi and trans and gender non-conforming kids make more suicide attempts than other adolescents – but we can do something about this!