By Margie Nichols, Ph.D. There’s a word for constant, unmitigated happiness about your life: denial. Barbara Ehrenreich skewers the positive psychology field in her new book “Bright Sided.“ It’s about time. First of all, it’s become a veritable industry, with top motivational speakers making tens of thousands of dollars and books on ‘happiness research’ flying off the shelves. The message of this research, some of which is quite solid and interesting, has become diluted down to: smile, be happy, and you’ll be healthier and have your dream life. But the research itself is more nuanced and ambiguous- for example, some ‘negative’ people are actually healthier than optimists. Let’s face it, at times pessimism is a more appropriate view of life. The skill is to learn to cope with life’s curve balls without melting down, not to look the other way in ignorance. More support for the nuanced view of ‘positive thinking’ comes from research reported in this month’s issue of Psychology Today (sorry folks, the actual paper magazine, not online yet). This study correlated scores on a test measuring trust in people with household income. Turns out there’s an optimal level of trust: too little and you miss opportunities because… Read more »
Author: Margie Nichols, Ph.D.
Really? We’re Still Discussing This?
By Margie Nichols, PH.D. Our colleague James Cantor, Ph.D., published a CNN article showing physiological evidence that gay men are not pedophiles. He pointed to differences in brain structure, and differences in “phallometric” response (that’s right, a ‘peter meter’). Gay men’s brains look like those of straight men; both differ from the pedophiles brain in some distinct ways. And straight and gay men alike have very little phallometric response to images of children, in contrast with child molesters. Cantor wrote this article at the request of CNN and of course because the Catholic Church is trying to blame gays for the horrible child abuse perpetrated by its priests. But what saddens me about this is that we still have to refute such claims. Images of sleazy men in raincoats lurking around school yards were what came to mind when you thought about homosexuality – in the 50’s. Sixty years later, we have science to argue against this belief, not just Cantor’s research but a ton of research documenting very clearly that are pedophiles aren’t gay and vice versa. I’m glad we have a mountain of research. I’m sorry we still need it.
Sex And Lies: The Truth About Sexual Fantasies
By Margie Nichols, Ph.D. Two weeks ago I was at a sex research and therapy conference where multiple speakers extolled the virtues of sexual fantasy – not just for masturbation, but during sex with a partner, shared or not shared with partner. Yesterday in my therapy office I heard yet another distressed woman ‘confess’ that she always fantasized just before orgasm with a partner to get herself over that last little ‘hump.’ She felt terribly guilty that she was not ‘connected’ to her spouse during sex, whom she loves dearly. Someday people are going to look back at the way most people view sexual fantasies now and regard it at about the same level as the belief that masturbation grows hair on your hands. That day is not today. The two most common issues I hear are: guilt about content; and guilt about fantasies that aren’t about partner and/or guilt about fantasizing during sex with partner. Guilt about content warrants several blogs on it’s own, but for now let me say a couple of things for those of you who feel guilty about ‘rape’ fantasies, fetishistic fantasies, group sex fantasies, and the like. First, you have about the same control… Read more »
OUR FIRST POST
By Margie Nichols, Ph.D. We’re off to a good start. I’ll be writing on “EXPANDING MIND” about general issues of psychology, mental health, or human nature, and other IPG people will be “Guest Authors.” Our resident Guru, Neil Selden, is posting his poetry, meditations and pearls of wisdom on ‘PIECES OF MY HEART’ The wise and funny Sue Menahem will blog on “THE L WORD” about….you’ll figure it out. And many of us will be writing on “ALTERNATIVE THOUGHTS”, focusing on issues of interest to the L/G/B/T, kink, and poly communities.