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Book Review by Margie Nichols, Ph.D. What is ‘natural’ in human sexuality? It’s not a trivial question: what is ‘natural’ is assumed to be normal, and by tenuous extension, what is ‘unnatural’ is inferior, deviant – abnormal. We take it for granted that the ‘purpose’ of human sex is reproduction, which privileges heterosexual penile-vaginal intercourse…
By Margie Nichols, Ph.D. Displayed at eye level on my freezer door is a magnet my son gave me that says “Gardening, yoga, bubble baths, medication…..and I still want to smack somebody!” In my last post I described a little of how therapy, meditation, etc etc helped me survive the death of my daughter Jesse….
“Let the grass grow through you; cherish the wild inside you.” — Robert McCrea Imbrie “To study the Way is to study the self; to study the self is to forget the self. To forget the self is to be enlightened by all things.” — Dogen Enlightenment? What is the ‘light’ in enlightenment? Is that ‘light’…
“Follow without hesitation, those who are the possessors of love, you shall surely achieve your good. Follow only those who try by strength, skill and tact for the welfare of all beings, you shall surely achieve your good. Follow them alone who never hurt anyone by word or deed, but never indulge evil, you shall…
By Margie Nichols, Ph.D. I’m not a fan of attachment parenting. I won’t get into snarky but humorous commentary on the subject, let’s just say I’d rather stick hot pokers in my eyes. But I’m not enamored of Tiger Moms, either, not just because of the meanness factor but also because I couldn’t care less…
By Margie Nichols, Ph.D. First, let me say a little more about decoupling sex and love. Because, imho, the source of many of our sexual difficulties is our sloppy sentimentality about sex and love. The reason we personalize our partner’s sexual behavior so much is that we are viewing sexuality through lenses distorted by false…
“Laugh at your own suffering, and weep for the grief of others.” — Thakur “The deeper that sorrow carves into our being, the more joy we can contain.” — Kahlil Ghibran “I’m nobody, who are you? Are you nobody too? Good, then there’s a pair of us, don’t tell, they’ll banish us, you know.” — Emily…
Ah, dear, dear Pema Chodron (or whatever your name was when you were growing up in the Big Apple, where I too did my growing), I adore the freshness, vivacity and revelations of your teachings and the sharing of your own personal struggles. Each of the four books of yours that I have so vividly underlined and underlined…
By Margie Nichols, Ph.D. In the sex therapy field there is a wonderful concept put out by my colleague Barry McCarthy called “good enough sex.” Modeled after the old psychodynamic concept of the “good enough mother,” it proposes that people’s idealized visions of what should be – the perfect mother, the perfect sexual experience, the…
“The ability to think about what is not happening is a cognitive achievement that comes at an emotional cost.” — Killingsworth and Gilbert “Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable— if anything is excellent or praiseworthy— think about such things.” — Paul, the New…
